VAN DER GRAAF
GENERATOR

Still Life


1. PILGRIMS

2. STILL LIFE
                Citadel reverberates to a thousand voices,
                Now dumb;
                What have we become?
                What have we chosen to be?
                Now all history is reduced to the syllables
                Of our name -
                Nothing can ever be the same:
                Now the Immortals are here.
                At the time it seemed a reasonable course
                To harness all the force
                Of life without the threat of death, but
                Soon we found that boredom and inertia
                Are not negative, but all the law we know,
                And dead are will and words like survival.
                Arrival at immunity from all age, all fear
                And all end...
                Why do I pretend?
                Our essence is distilled
                And all familiar taste is now drained
                And through purity is maintained
                It leaves us sterile, living through the
                Millions of years,
                A laugh as close as any tear;
                Living, if you claim that all
                That entails is breathing, eating,
                Defacating, screwing, drinking, spewing,
                Sleeping, sinking ever down and down
                And ultimately passing away time which
                No longer has any meaning.

                Take away the threat of death and all
                You're left with is a round
                Of make-believe.
                Marshall every sullen breath and through
                You're ultimately bored by endless ectasy
                It's still the ring by which you hope to be
                Engaged
                To marry the girl who will give you
                Forever - it's crazy, and plainly
                That simply is not enough.

                What is this dullest and bluntest of pains,
                Such that my eyes never close without
                Feeling it there?
                What abject despair demands an end to
                All things of infinity?
                If we have gained, how do we now meet
                The cost?
                What have we bargained, and what have
                We lost?
                What have we relinquished, never
                Knowing it was there?

                What thoughts now of holding fast the
                Line, defying death and time?
                Everything we had is gone,
                Everything we laboured for and favoured
                More that earthly things reveals
                The hollow ring of false hope and
                False deliverance.

                But now the nuptial bed is made,
                The dowry has been paid:
                The toothless, haggard features of eternity
                Now welcome me between the sheets
                To couple with her withered body -
                My wife.
                Hers forever,
                Hers forever,
                Hers forever,
                In still life.

3. LA ROSSA
                Lacking sleep and food and vision
                Here I am again, encamped upon your
                Floor, craving sanctuary and
                Nourishment, encouragement and
                Sanctity and more.
                The streets seemed very crowded,
                I put on my bravest guise -
                I know you know that I am acting,
                I can see it in your eyes,
                In the harsh light of freedom I know
                That I cannot deny that I have wasted
                Time, have frittered it away in the idle boasts
                Of my freedom and fidelity, when simpler
                Words would have profited me most ...
                ...It isn't enough in the end, when I'm
                Looking for hope.
                Though the organ-monkey screams as the
                Pipes begin to spit
                Still he'll go through the dance routines
                Just as long as he thinks they'll fit,
                Just as long as he knows that it's dance,
                Smile - or quit.

                Like the monkey I dance to a strange tune
                When all of these years I've longed to lie
                With you but have bogged myself down in
                The web of talk, quack philosophy
                And sophistry -
                At physically I've always baulked, like the
                Man in the chair who believes it's beyond
                Him to walk.
                I've been hiding behind words,
                Fearing a deeper flame exists,
                Faintly aware of the passage
                Of opportunities I have missed.
                But the nearness and the smell of you,
                La Rossa from head to toe...
                I don't know what I'm telling you,
                But I think you ought to know
                Soon the dam wall will break,
                Soon the water will flow.
                Though the organ-monkey groans
                As the organ grinder plays
                He's hoping at the most,
                For an end to the dancing days;
                Still, he hops up and down on his perch
                In the usual jerky way.
                Though it might mean an end to all
                Friendship there's something
                I'm working up to say.

                Think of me what you will;
                I know that you think you feel my pain -
                No matter if that's just surface.
                If we made love now would that change
                All that has gone before?
                Of course it would, there's no way it could
                Ever be the same...
                One more line crossed,
                One more mystery explained.
                Now I need more that just words, though
                The options are plain that lead from all
                Momentary action.
                If we make love now it will change all that
                Is yet to be...
                Never could we agree in the same
                Way again
                On more world lost,
                One more heaven gained.

                La Rossa, you know me, you read me as
                Though I am glass;
                Though I know it there's no way in which
                I can pass -
                Though it means that you'll finish my story
                At last I'd trade all the clever talk,
                The joking, the smoking and the quips,
                All the midnight conversation,
                All the friendship,
                All the words and all the trips
                For the warmth of your body,
                The more vivid touch of your lips.
                All bridges burning behind me,
                All safety beyond reacg,
                The monkey feels his chains out blindly,
                Only to find himself released.
                Take me, take me now and hold me deep
                Inside your ocean body,
                Wash me as some flotsam to the shore,
                There leave me lying evermore!
                Drown me, drown me now and hold me down
                Before you naked hunger,
                Burn me at the altar of the night -
                Give me life!

4. MY ROOM
                Searching for diamonds in the sulphur mine,
                Leaning on props which are rotten,
                Hoping for anything, looking for sign
                That I am not forgotten.
                Lost in a labyrinth of future mystery,
                Tracing my steps, all mistaken,
                Trusting to everything, praying it can be
                That I am not forsaken.

                I wait by the door, wondering
                When you will come and keep me warm.
                I pray for the end of the night,
                Hoping the light will still the storm
                Which presently betrays me;
                Helpless sea-monster stranded on the shore,
                Marooned in an ecstasy of waiting.
                I yearn, although knowing that
                I shall dive no more
                In the tide already racing.

                My lungs burst to cry: "Finally
                How could you leave me here to die?
                I freeze in the chill of this place
                With no friendly face to smile goodbye -
                How could you let it happen?"

                How could you let it happen?
                Dreams, hopes and promises,
                Fragments out of time,
                All of these things have been spoken;
                Still you don't understand how it feels
                When I'm waiting for them to be broken

5. CHILDLIKE FAITH IN CHILDHOOD'S END
                Existence is a stage on which we pass,
                A sleep-walk trick for mind and heart:
                It's hopeless, I know
                But onward I must go
                And try to make a start
                At seeing something more that day-to-day
                Survival chased by final death.
                If I believed this the sum
                Of the life to which we've come
                I wouldn't waste my breath.
                Somehow, there must be more.
                There was a time when more
                Was felt than known,
                But now, entrenched inside my sett,
                In light more mundane, thought rattles
                Round my brain:
                We live, we die... and yet?

                In the beginning there was order and
                Destiny but now that path has reached the
                Border and on our knees is no way to face
                The future, whatever it be.
                Though the forces which hold us in place
                Last through eons in unruffled grace
                We, too, wear the face of creation.

                As anti-matter sucks and pulses
                Periodically the bud unfolds, the bloom
                Is dead, all space is living history.
                It seems as though time must betray us,
                Yet we're alive
                And though I see no God to save us
                Still we survive
                Through the centuries of progress
                Which don't get us very far.
                All illusion! All is bogus - we don't yet
                Know what we are ... laughing, hoping,
                Praying, joking, Son of Man!
                With lowered eyes but lifting hearts,
                We're grains of sand
                And though, in time, the sea may claim us
                For its own
                We are the rocks which root the future -
                On us it grows!

                We might not be there to share it if
                Eternity's a jest
                But I think that I can bear it
                If the next life is the best.
                Even if there is a heaven when we die
                Endless bliss would be as meaningless
                As the lie that always comes as answer to
                The question 'Why do we see through the
                Eyes of creation?'
                Adrift without a course, it's very lonely here,
                Our only conjecture what lies
                Behind the dark.
                Still, I find I can cling to a lifeline,
                Think of a lifetime which means more than
                My own one - dreams of a grander thing
                Than we are.
                Time and Space hang heavy on my shoulders:
                When all life is over who can say
                No mutated force shall remain?
                Though the towers of the city are denied
                To we man of clay
                Still we know we shall scale the heights some day.
                Frightened in the silence -
                Frightened, but thinking very hard,
                Let us make computations of the stars.

                Older, wiser, sadder, blinder, watch us run:
                Faster, longer, harder, stronger, now it comes:
                Colour blisters, image splinters
                Gravitate towards the centre, in final
                Splendour disintegrate.
                The universe now beckons
                And Man, too, must take His place ...
                Just a few last fleeting seconds
                To wander in the waste
                And the children who were ourselves
                Move on
                Reincarnation stills its now perfected song
                And at last we are freed of the bonds
                Of creation.

                All the jokers and gaolers, all the junkies
                And slavers too,
                All the throng who have danced a merry
                Tune - human we can all be.
                But Humanity we must rise above
                In the name of all faith and hope and love.
                There's a time for all pilgrims, and a time
                For the fakers too,
                There's a time when we all will stand alone
                And nude,
                Naked to the galaxies -
                Naked, but clothed in the overview ...
                As we reach Childhood's End we start anew.

                And though dark is the highway
                And the peak's distance breaks my heart,
                For I never shall see it, still I play my part,
                Believing that what waits for us is the
                Cosmos compared to the dust of the past ...
                In the death of mere humans life shall start!
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